I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
