Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
