I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
