god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
