plz talk dirty to me
i permit you to call me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.