i wish peter jackson would direct porn
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.