Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  Michael Bay diarrhea

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  (916): Michael Bay diarrhea http://tfl.nu/1hpz
  Replies (25) Good night (692) Bad night (3935)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after

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  (512): its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after http://tfl.nu/7p4f
  Replies (8) Good night (647) Bad night (5626)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.

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  (412): im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs. http://tfl.nu/u0xf
  Replies (10) Good night (890) Bad night (4408)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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  (403): Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person. http://tfl.nu/qpdl
  Replies (15) Good night (2224) Bad night (2831)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he quoted the bible to break up with me

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  (570): he quoted the bible to break up with me http://tfl.nu/7gni
  Replies (21) Good night (1491) Bad night (5301)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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  (306): I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards. http://tfl.nu/0ymc
  Replies (10) Good night (2058) Bad night (1253)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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  (260): After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing. http://tfl.nu/bjii
  Replies (24) Good night (1014) Bad night (2578)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat

  (830): View more from Texas

  You are so not ready for motherhood

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  (210): Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat (830): You are so not ready for motherhood http://tfl.nu/j27j
  Replies (3) Good night (1016) Bad night (1825)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"

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  (973): They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!" http://tfl.nu/oehu
  Replies (4) Good night (1681) Bad night (568)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

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  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1379) Bad night (723)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.

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  (563): You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar. http://tfl.nu/9hcy
  Replies (7) Good night (2191) Bad night (756)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner

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  (813): Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner http://tfl.nu/zbhu
  Replies (5) Good night (907) Bad night (315)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.

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  (251): You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick. http://tfl.nu/r3wg
  Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (417)
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  (818): View more from California

  I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.

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  (818): I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/5z7i
  Replies (2) Good night (787) Bad night (227)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.

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  (404): I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now. http://tfl.nu/5tyu
  Replies (1) Good night (224) Bad night (696)

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