grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
