Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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