I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
