why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
