like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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