Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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