Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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