Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
