erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
