he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He passed out mid-signature
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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