did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
