My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one two three fourrrrnication!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
