i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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