my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
