There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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