(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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