it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
