Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
