As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
