her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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