So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
