then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
