We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
