my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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