if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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