He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
