and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
