he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
