I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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