He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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