i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh god it's open bar.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
