I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize