I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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