Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This baby is an asshole
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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