Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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