so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize