No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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