What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
