i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
