I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
