Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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