Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
