How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
