dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
