Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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