How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
