Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
