you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
