All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
