Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
