hell yes lets make some ravioli
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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