The maid of honor just puked.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
