Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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