Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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