Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
