i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
