Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
