Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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