I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
