I want to have your abortion
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
