I'm going to rape someone's good day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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